Heartless

My heart is breaking without a sound

Black charred burned dreams

Lose them in oblivion that is my setting and rising sun

The night makes me want to dance away... into time

Instead I rest my head on pillows of fear, shame

The death I crave

I her hands

She holds the dagger that is the key

She is me, waiting mistress, bringer of eternal sleep.

Fire child

Fire still burns

In a young heart

Beating, eternal drum

For your promises

Keep me going when I am in sorrow

Lost without hope

It's snowing outside

But warmth radiating from within, keeps me warm

Alive and free 

Real

In a world of illusions

Where beauty in magazines

Is not as it seems

Retouched, artificial

The only truth is within ourselves

In the light of hope.

Black angel

Your wings, so beautifully dark

Raven black, fill the sky of my dreams

You fly somewhere in heart

Aching for morbid love

I cry out to only you

Hopeless existence

Pointless earthly loves, I desire one thing only

Both dark and spiritual 

The sensuous kiss of another forgotten soul

The taste of blood on my tounge.

Link

Here is a blog I started and abandoned when I was 12 or 13-ish

http://crownofflowers.blogspot.com/

Lovenote to readers

Hey blog readers: Looking back I've posted a lot of poetry in such a short time. I am quite proud of myself, this is only the tip of the iceberg! Already there are wonderful people from many different cultures and nations reading this. I hope to get some comments, some regular readers, maybe even a few more followers.

But most of all what I want is for you to feel. I want to change lives with my work. One day I hope to publish poetry professionally. 

Thoughts of people loving and appreciating my poetry is what keeps me going!

Your comments are appreciated.

It would be cool if you guys could comment me suggestions for future poems.

<3

Worthless

They've told me a thousand times

I know what I am

I see in reflected through my own eyes

Rot inside, borne of filth

Why life, why suffering?

Why fighting, striving harder and harder as it all falls away

Whispers and mockery

Fill my insides, personal poison, simply remembering.

My life, best described

Life takes you and throws you from the very top to the bottom

Break your bones, break your soul

Pick up the pieces, start anew

Into a meaningless venture of nothingness

Where does the void end

In a realm without time

Does eternity exist?

I see nothing in any direction

All is the same

Leading me to nowhere

So fast, crashing down this boulevard in despair

Where is my handsome prince, my castle?

Happily ever after?

I have fought so long, this is the end 

Of everything and anything that matters to me.

Human angel

She was a petal beauty

A human angel

So white was her hair, shimmering lustrous blonde

How pure was her marble skin

Not even Botticelli, could painted such a creature

A girl creature

A sad-hearted girl

For absence of wings

Fly away, black hearted angel

Into the pit of hell

Longing for her wings so achingly, so desperately

She would do anything to know her true self.

New moon

Awaken me mother earth, speak

My ears are listening, in a language beyond language

A dream that is not what it seems

When you awake from deep sleep

I see your dream-filled eyes

How pretty you are in oblivion

If you only you knew, what a dream you are to me

You would not hate yourself the way you do

Not look down, blushing in shame

I love you so much

I feel your pain, your tears

Keep your dreams with you

In the unending daylight

A burning that never dies

Reminding you of your flawed condition

Live your dreams

Eternal night

From the earth to the sky.

Coffin for dreams

Here lies your sweet childhood

In a bed of eternal death, lies

In unhearing ears.

Starlight God

He is starlight within

An eternal bright sky is his smile

The light of my life.

haiku

She left me here alone
How will I go on without
The soft promise of love.

Lost within

I walk the spirit land

Where dreams and reality collide

One is the other

The other is one

All is possible, in my own personal dreamworld

A forest where only the bravest wolves walk

I am all the things I could possibly imagine

This world that follows me, haunts me

The product of a dreaming soul

Under a river

They imprisoned her

She could do nothing but wait and stare

At all who passed
Green eyes that looked from a depth 
Of the prison that held her
Glittering eyes that begged to be set free
A million words spoken from thee
In silence...

The perfect pastel shimmer that trapped her
Blue in blue
One with the water
Translucent time
Water faery at her own demise
Becoming the rippling flow that holds her

For one thousand years

She waits for me

To set her free

Waiting maiden

I created her.

Running with the Wolves

I feel myself change
Pink skin morph to satin fur
Under loving moonlight
I feel the Goddess song
Starlight burns glorious on my new body
In a land beyond rage, beyond emotion
The new earth beneath my paws
My silver coat shields me from the rain, the powerful elements
And the rain- it pelts the ground so hard now
The music is so overpowering, the simple music of rain
I see all through the eyes of a wolf
I am no longer the shadow of one
Not a sad soul crying, tears like this fresh, wet rain
Upon a new earth
I bay at the moon
Other howls follow
The pack is coming
Goodbye humanity
Hello family, hello home.

Otherkin soul

A shy timid girl

A sad depressed human, with a secret

Lupine soul, staring through her golden eyes

Hidden by a mask, her human face

Fair skin, fine boned

Hating herself

So far from her soul

Her bodies defies

What she is inside

But who could realize

The wild thing, shining within

Infinitely more real

More true

That what you see here

Take me to the spirit world, the astral plane

Where I can be what I am

In an enchanted forest that is my home

Wolf songs light the silver moon night

Cannot resist it

Running wild tonight.

Girl in the mirror

Who is that girl in the mirror?

 Staring back at me.

 I see her wide, lonely eyes.

 I see her mousy brown hair.

 I see layers of make-up

 I see every flaw, and her desperate brown eyes.

 Crying for help.

 She begging, pleading, screaming silently in her soul.

 I know how that girl in the mirror feels.

 The pain she’s been in is real.

 She hasn’t eating in days.

She is starving herself.

 Striving to be set free.

 She wants to look like herself.

 And no one less.

 But she needs to fit in with everyone else.

 Her identity is lost.

 Her spirit too.

 For all she ever needed was a friend.

 Just a shoulder to cry on. A smile true.

 That’s all she would need to heal her heart.

 To set her spirit anew.

A little something to live by...

   Dance like no one is watching
   Sing like no one is listening
   Love like you've never been hurt
   And live like heaven on earth.


Seriously people think hard on this one. These are words to live by.
Thought I'd share. <3

Dark of the moon

The dark of moon holds such mystery

A new beginning, a new day
A night sweeter than both

The wrongs of your past leave you
Just for tonight

Embrace the Dark Mother's promise

Her word on your soul
In your beating heart
For she is the drummer

Can you hear her moan?

Shed a tear, for your earthly suffering

In the cemetery- dead blood

In the earth, her home
Corpses lay, eternally in her hands
You cannot escape her
Fear as you do, darkness

Poetry in my words

She listens

To silently screaming souls
The darklings, the misfits

Goddess of the dark moon

Is that your hounds, baying in the distance?
Oh, the sound is so enlivening
Praise the blessings she gives forth
Dance away your cares
Sing to the velvety black skies
Live fearless of death.

Black star

From heaven she shone

A loner, a dark thing

A black star, in a white universe

Which fears the night

Yet I hear her calls

Frantic, impassioned

Calling me to her

The blood of my womb, she smells

A fine offering...

Blood-drinking Goddess

Who is my wine

Behold the chalice

Inscribed is the name

Hekate who is all three.

Surrender, my love

The seas did churn, with your words

The sea of my heart

You who were my moon

Controlled my tides

Bled like stars

Far above me

Where am I now?

Without your pulsing radiance

Silver moon-light kisses

That never leave me, no

Become me

Become my earth and sky

Ocean and air I breathe

Transformation.

Starry Eyes

His tears are shooting stars

I can see a history, so brutal laid before me

The bones that he hides

Under his bruised skin

Outline of a skull, crying

Your tears taste of years of searching

Of yearning

Man that is not man

Wolf inside, why do you hide from me?

I know you too well.

Believe

The faeries they dance, in between the folds of time

I belong to them

My heart is their heart

Morgan le Fey, her music fills the Land of all Seasons

Here where all is one

I dance in Faeryland.

Wishing for night

The Goddess opens her arms

Civilization sleeps, dreams awaken

I find Her here

In my budding woman's body

Her promise illuminates me, my star and moon

Artemis is the forest, I long to belong

Wilderness and lost humanity in the jaws of time

Her silver bow sails through sweet midnight velvet

She runs with the wolves

Baying at the moon

I love them, and cannot join them

My true love

Not here, no so far

From here.

You are all

Jonnathan, you are beautiful

Child-like innocence

Winter skin, indistinguishable from mine

Eyes like Nova Scotian waters

Can I hear mermaid's song if I listen long, hard enough?

Ever-churning hightide

Raven hair, glossy and thick

Curly and cute

You dance in the distance

You are my best friend

My family, my whole world.

Hold me

Hold me so softly

Stroke me so sweetly

Dream-lover, if I could be of your world

Where I am both loved and lover

Sweet fantasies to haunt closing eyes

I am your slave

If I could create you, I would

Dream you into existence

Your long golden hair is like sunshine on my pale skin

You laughed and called it "winter skin"

Are you the embodiment of my laughter, my sun?

Lucian where are you?

Not a Tear

I walked alone today

Turned the metal off for a while...

Just walked for a while

To listen to the silence I so fear

Crunch of gravel under my feet

I started to wonder

Who would cry, when it's my time to go?

Will there be lose that mourn me?

Sorrow and grief?

Somewhere I know deep inside

Each of us wonder the same thing

Here's how I picture my funeral

A soundless, barren progression

So few stare with blank eyes

At someone who there but they never knew

Deceased, can you see through my painted face?

Organs that do not function

Heart that does not beat

The blessing that welcomed me from pain

You don't know half of what I am

& never will

Will you shed a tear or two?

On my deathbed when it's empty of feeling?

Nobody in life to care.

The best years of your life

Breasts sore, skin itching

Hormonal acne and cliques

Peer pressure and academic struggles that bring you nowhere

Labeled by clothes you wear, the money your parents make

Security in conformity

Hear my voice in defiance

I don't need your trends, your style, your lies

Skinny and popular are the main goals

Healthy and intellectual goals, anyone?

Friendless, thoughtless can't survive

13 years to waste my life

Trying to care

Hold onto whats there

Nothing left, slipping through

The insults they slung at you

Fucking idiot, senseless whore

Useless slut, fat bitch

Ugly and pretty

Bleeding mystery in my panties

Am I dying?
I'd rather bleed to death than be here

Claustrophobia, the walls close in on you

The stale air that you breathe each day begins to suffocate

Teachers are pricks

These people that slam your uselessness in your face

Lonely inside

Outside does not reflect inside... not one bit

Rejected again, by boys

By those I called friends

No way to hide

I consider death with each new failure

If these are best days of your life...

Grey and black

Grey and black

The sky above

Colourless dawn

That forgotten man cries in the distant fog

I cannot see, so smothered by sound

It doesn't make sense

No reason, no right

Blinded by sound

Deafened by sight

Is there peace in the void?

I feel as though I live in one, night and day

There is no peace in my life

A long existence with many lives lived

I see my spirit is not mine

It is broken a thousand times over

Drowning in the evening that awakens night.

Leave me to the fire

I dance away the stars above

The earth that is beneath, yet no longer mine

Can I hear him sigh?

A world away

Acts that separate us, destroying our love for one another

I say goodbye, manically 

A touch of sorrow to embitter the madness

I am cursed by who I am

I lie to God, by simply living as I am

Accursed and white

A prophecy to fill, uttered by my father

The rebel child reborn

Into a colourless land

Taint my thoughts, kill me inside

This is what I am and I cannot hide

Can velvet cloak fear?

Music reflect the soul?

A golden-haired lover, when we were but children

I remember talking for hours

Blood is given and taken away

This world is not my own any longer

Dark creatures that still feel

Crazed sabbat to end it all

Dance into the eternal flame

Destroying all love and hate.

Silent Killer

Here I am

Sister, brother

I am yours no longer

Mother, father

You who bore me

Say goodbye

As I say hello to death

Here I am far from you

From your crying eyes

Your breaking hearts

Family no longer

Nothing means more than my hatred for life

The pain in my life

That seems to eat at the insides

All I see is the destroyed

Goodbye liars

Goodbye dreams

Suicide is the last answer

I've tried it all

I see my failures as tattoos on my skin

Cursed to see beyond the illusion

See the darker picture

The image that is within all.

Death I Give

Giver of death

Taker of souls

An offer too sweet to refuse

From the soul I bled

My heart did too

Useless obsessions

Passionless life

I wait only for you

Will you come home to me?

The reaper that is the angel

Lie that is truth

He left me alone

Left me here to die

Without a second thought

Lover come back

See me as I lay

Day after day

See my rise to rot

Back from the dead.

Fractured Youth

I hear her lullaby

Lost in the wind

The willows that sing, and take me in her hands

Mother now forgotten

Songs leave my lips

Fragile times in which we live

She sang my name in my dreams

Sad intoxicating kisses

Belonging only to her

How could she not share?

Not know how this hole that is my heart bleeds

Eternal prisoner

All for you my love, all for you

My fractured youth sings a sad song

Of forcing yourself to the pain

Singing in silence

Forgotten.

Temporary Hope

 I feel the wisp of something

Foreign and forgotten

I haven't had a hope or prayer

In so long, in this miserable life of despair

So strong I did fight

until this awful night

I slipped back once again

Playing a game-

Do you remember when....?

Deadly games I played

Falling back in the same patterns I'd forsaken so long ago

I felt sunshine yesterday 

Felt love for myself

I wish I could feel that everyday.

Continued Continued <^_^>

If You Looked Inside My soul

If you looked inside my soul
You'd see a whole other person
Without a broken world
Or a broken heart
Maybe you'd see something more beautiful
Than everything I show on the outside
People know so little
About who I am
But if you could look inside my soul maybe you would understand
About what I want
What I dream of
And what the world looks like though my eyes.

The intensity of my emotions
Could scare the living hell
Out of anyone else
Who has ever felt anything like this before
No one will ever feel this
They'll never understand
All the time I thought
My life was going okay
This happened.

School is a lonely empty place
Middle school sucks
It makes me feel like shit
It's full of unforgiving pricks
Who all seem to have found their place
And their friends
Their everything
No one else is as big a loser as me
I'm just the one in the shadows
Wishing she had a best friend
Or a friend at all
I hate it home
I hate it all school
Where do I go to escape it all?
Do I start doing drugs, and let my whole world slip away?
Or do I just watch my fall from life
Until I am nothing at all
I am forgotten
Everywhere I go
School is a lonely, empty place.

There are those mistakes
Still looming in whatever left of this
Like the mist that rises above the ocean
Every morning it is there clear as day
Than it evaporates into the heaven
Until it is nothing at all
And than there are those like a gleaming sliver dagger
They leave cuts that may heal
But the scars will always remain
To remind you of all the pain and suffering
Whenever you even think of wound
That nearly ruined everything
You wonder...
Why does life keep reminding us of our faults
Or is it our faults that remind us of life.

God's Mistake

I don't know if I believe
But I try to make sense anyway
Of what my purpose is
My true place of belonging
A place to call my own
I don't see how I've lost all faith
I've never had any to begin with
The questions, no one answers
But I've heard it hundreds of times
Everyone makes mistakes
So does that mean that the might also fail
Or am I looking at this all wrong
You really have to wonder
If I am God's mistake.

 ** I think I posted this on my old blog Crown of Flowers, but oh well...

What happens to the ones forgotten and alone?
What becomes of them...
What about those who are broken and unheard?
Do they go though life, living it day by day
Trying to survive
Or are they the fighters
Who break though it all in the end
Do they see clearly above the illusion of perfection that seems to blind us
Following a dream
I think I am insane
The loner hiding in the bathroom stall
Wishing life away
Or am I not alone at all
Am I connected by a feeling
That we all must face
If I found love
I would cherish every moment
Make it last forever
Sadly, I know I have already drown
I can only hold onto my last breath before I let go
Stinking deeper and deeper into a world of
Loneliness.

Affection
And rejection
Love and fame
Hate and war
Black and white
Nasty fights
Living in a world
Sinking deeper down to hell
No seems to care where we are headed
After every warning we've got
Every dream we ignored
We do not see
What is right in front of us
I hope the people
Ignorant enough to let the less fortunate suffer
We to unite
But all differences aside
Look each other in the eyes
And say
Things need to change, for our world is wasting away to a melting pot of nothing.

The months ahead look as hopeless as the tears I cry
For nothing seems to change
I try to make things right
But my demons are still there
Everything no one knows
I am still separated somehow
And something...
Something is missing.

Cont.

Life ain't all always beautiful
Not always fun and games
It's never what you expected
And you can never plan it
Your live isn't mapped out
Your destiny is in your hands
And you are in control of it
Sometimes only faith gets you though
Your dreams the guiding light
Sometimes you have to look for answers
And fight for what is right
I think that your heart is smarter than your mind
So listen to it for once
And start heading in the right direction.

You smile at me
through wrinkles and aging I see
The wisdom you have
And all that you share
Your love for me is so fare
Like a light August rain
You are beautiful
I love to have you in my life
I'm glad I'm here to say
I love you Grandma
Will you please stay?

Why are you even talking to me?
Oh my God, shut up
Don't say another word
I can't bare to hear your voice again
I know that you never cared.

Older poems

Hey people- I was looking through my email drafts and realized I have poems I wrote when I was about 12.
I am very hard on myself about my poems never being "good enough" but I wrote some pretty good stuff for a lil girl. I'll post some of them but a lot are deleted from after we got a bunch of Trojans off the computer we had to get it reformatted. *Sigh* Most don't have titles.

I always find myself wondering
Why I feel so misunderstood
I thought I'd find the answer
By trying to fit in
Forgetting who you are means changing in to someone everyone else likes... right
It hurts a lot to change
But you never ever forget
And it's harder to go back
Changing who are are
You'll never find a relationship
Real and full of love
I wish some people knew
You never have to change
Never have to rearrange
You'll lose all the happiness you once had
And in your heart you'll know you  are fake
Fitting in isn't always good
You'll never really get to be you...
Only a copy of someone else.

A robber sneaked into house one night
Nothing was left at all
Nothing in sight
It was evidence to me
It really confirmed
How materialistic we are
Once we lose our stuff
We become nothing at all
Keep our head low
Quit standing tall
Strength is not measured in things that you own
Or how much money you have
It's measured in how much you love and experience
How you handle situations
How you get though the hard times
Life is not easy
And never guaranteed
One minute here
And the next, gone
And when everyone dies
They leave a special mark on the earth
It doesn't really matter
The expensive jeans you dressed your ass in
What matters is how much you cared
Even changing the life of one person is amazing
And that's something we all can do
Why can't people just reach out to show that they care

I don't know true love yet
But I hope one day I will
I don't really care for boys much yet
One day that may change
I wonder what it's like
To really be in love
To always have someone
That you could never imagine living without
But how do you know?
When you fall in love
Does it just happen?
And than the next moment you are walking down the aisle
And saying your I dos
What about the people
That are  lonely all their life
What about those
Who failed at love?
I think love is stupid
But I still want to feel it
I guess I'll know...
When I know

Angels

I see them everyday
In the shadow of myself
In those I give my precious love and loyalty
Those few who see past skin
The lost and suffering- today's Saints
Angels without wings
Lend helping hands
To those in need
Sometimes I think I see
Fluffy, feathery wings
Pure white
On these human angels
The invisible helpers
Who give and challenge
Love & learn
Salvation I wait for
I lost my angels- take me home.

Master of the Forest

He called me from a broken life

Gave me a curse that was not at all cursed

Blessings in disguise

He held me so gently

A creature half wolf, half man

I looked into his wolf eyes

With enduring love

I'd give anything

To walk like he does

Free of fear

I saw what was hidden- underneath his skin

A fine belt he wore

Wolf-skin that enlivened his flesh

He asked me to dance

The wild dance

Goodbye humanity

Goodbye agonizing existence

The Master of the Forest

Is father and mother

Everything I am reborn to.

Dark Kiss

Death kiss, predatory

The last word don't matter anymore- I won't die alone!

Life is so cold and sick

Self mutilated screams

I wish I'd died that day

No pride, no reason, no right

Dark kisses fill my dreams

The only beauty I'd ever know

The beauty to shut your eyes forever

In the arms of another.

Forgotten Lullaby

Never look back my daughter

At the thing I was

I would hide from you forever

My broken one, like a fallen angel

I cannot save

I wish I had your beauty, your love

The dream of life

The illusion of time

This pathetic form cannot be mine!

I who had you, gave you

Darkness & silver moonlight

Your beautiful black hair

Did shine

With silver and blue shades too

I wish I could be... like you

Forever I am bathed in the death I did seek.

Murder

Don't think of the knife that waits

Shining, seductive

In broken morning light

The weapons that are as beautiful as morning dew

Beautiful as tranquility, rebirth, love & laughter

Yet the very opposite of those things I've forsaken

I hate so hard

As much as others love

Call me forgotten of Aphrodite

She rose from sea foam and turquoise water

I rose from the blackened rivers of purgatory

To seek a new hell

Queen of beauty and love

Sunshine and sexuality

You forget about me

Me lonely one, with knife in hand

This murder will be my own.

Sweet songs

I'd like to believe 

The sweet songs I hear

The voices of my family and those I call friends

A life marked by a million broken promises

Jagged shards of that mirror 

Thrown in my face

That pierce deeper than skin, bone, flesh

Lies that seep to the soul

Like lethal injection

That stops the heart

The seductive I feel for that death

I crave it

Oblivion from my past

My pain.

Washed but not Clean

Alone in this filthy tub

I feel disgust and repulsion

The mold grows thick on the curtain

In those little corners, I'd rather ignore...

What I know my parents do in here

The chlorinated water irritates pink, sensitive skin

Chemicals purify only the mind

This is hell's water running over me in this rotting tub of decay

Hatred eats my insides like worms and maggots on a carcass

Everything I know is a lie

Western culture an ever-enduring illusion

With media suppressing us

We allow it to mask the desire of our hearts

Want, want

Need, need

Zombie-brained populace

2 countries that feed sickness and disease

Overseas men and women work for a dollar a day

Out of sight out of mind- no words of mine

We wallow in our greed

With incessant pride, for ancestors that were enduring, strong

Yet cruel

That's what I am- borne from barbarians

Oh this dirty tub

How I hate it

I could scrub it, scrub the whole world

& it would never be clean, pure or wholly sane.

Shouting in the Void

Here I do scream

Laid upon the bed of fear

Who can hear me?

Save a cruel god

That gave me this- life

Is it not a curse, breathe in suffering?

To be a slave of contained fear

That poisons this fragile soul

Save your prayers- innocent one

Your voice beats like my heart

Your pink faced sweetness

Is a contradiction- to my ice cold beauty

That glimmers from a heart so frozen

It steals sunshine from those I love

A case of ice I prayed

To keep me safe

From life, from love

Those glorious things from above

That have some indecipherable divinity

Unspeakably great

Ungraciously invaluable

Mortal life- a blessing within a curse.

Another Day

Another day comes and goes

I sit inside myself, waiting for dawn to come

I hear him sigh, he is so far from me

There is no light from Heaven

The Gods cry from a faraway sky

I know I do not deserve this suffering

Still I wait

Everyday, I want to die a little more

Everyday to echo yesterday

Everyday a new agony

A challenge without rewards

A fight without an end

A day without you

Please come back to me!

Silver-blooded lover

Alive only in my dreams

I wish you were real.

Til death do us part

Til death do us part

Words that will never pass my lips

What a promise!

What a vow!

To give your life to one

To promise them something that is wholly your's

Forbidden words.

Carpe Corpus

Seize the corpse

Hold it in your arms

What is left, of what you love

Seize the corpse

It's the rest of you

Your other half

Carpe Corpus...

Seize the corpse

That is your mother, your father

Sister, brother, lover

Those you cannot awaken

Those you once wished to silence

Risen to rot

The voice of your logic

Assures you it cannot be

Your insanity just laughs

And laughs, and laughs

In the graveyard of sighs

Beyond the flowers that cheer the graves of your kin

You hear them sigh- trapped forever

Cold black earth-trapped in ice

You got your wish- finally

The silence is your's

In the graveyard of sighs

You imprisoned them here

Sweet forever, promised that fateful day

So bitter

So you visit her now, beneath the ground

Your fate not in her arms

But in a box, and nobody cares

Seize the corpse.