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Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Where did I lose myself
When I closed my eyes
Into another reality
Another dream that is more
Than sleeping promises
In my life
All promises become dreams
All the people that said I Love You
Wasted on me
A teenage nightmare
Wasting away inside
Without you.


I saw your face in my dreams
Pulling me home
Your harsh hands bruised mine
You whispered "fragile..."
Ecstasy at your words
Shivers at your words
Falling for your voice
Your laughter
I was once your daughter
Caught up in...
An inconstant state of evanescence.

A Dying God

There he did lay
Bathed but not purified in sacrifice
Lost in grief- and immortal fear
A love greater than all the oceans
They are merely his tears
Brushed away from his brilliant face
That is the sun
The moon
The stars
Galaxies near and far
All the universe
Reflected by his creative images
His breath gave us life
The Goddess gave him love
She kissed his brilliant horns
Kissed his shining face
White and red
Woman and man
That become one
The divine union.

Calling Me Home

I hear the voices of angels
On a distant horizon
A waiting god you are
For a ravaged goddess
That will never be your's again
I ran with the wolves for a while
On all fours
Away from a broken world
Of misery and pain
This life filled with lies
But the only real lie
Is the girl in the mirror
That is me
Yet not.


He walked without a sound
In the listless hum of night
Blood drinker, crimson soul
Broken spirit
A shadow in polluted streets
Clad in black velvet
To hide his dismay
At life never-ending
Fearing the death he will bring
Where can you hide
From demons that look like man-perfected?

Wolf Woman

She opened up like a nightshade
The kiss of the night
Finding solace in her arms
That see beyond wrong and right
The star in my black sky
Lost song in my heart
If I could bring her back I would
Forever gone
I hear her howls in the night
Guttural and primal 
I know her animal state too well
Do I know anything more?
Than her misery, suffering
Changing skins, changing hearts
Mind, body, soul
One with the wolf
My only love, protector, friend.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

In the deepest water

My lost Goddess
In a forgotten grave
Silenced for a short forever
I feel her- risen
Above forgotten nightmares
Within my grasp
She screams
My other self.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


In the night you called
To me, my arms were wide open
Take me home to you.


Redder was my own rose
When it was bathed in your blood
Oh, the song of sweet misery.

Black smoke

Black smoke in the air
When my heart went up in flames
You were lost to me.


Blue pools of easy lust
My eyes lost within your own ocean
Waves on the silent shore.

Hating Farewell

Lost moments
In my mind
I can't remember those times anymore
I just know I hated the farewell
Those words that ended it all
As breakable as I am
Broke me in two
I never saw you again
Your breath was your own once more
& I was alone


The Price of Evil

Fuck this life
I wanted it all
I shot threw the veins
Of Satan
Called his name- fireside
I feel him within
His laughter
Echoes through my insides
Maddens me
I feel all the hatred I've ever felt
Medicated but still insane
Feel lost sanity each day
Like bodies rotting
Children crying
Dogs dying
Suffering like I suffer
My fire dance
I do not see anymore
Not people-enemies
Not fire-sacred heart
& now I am lost
I played foolish games
Satanic games
Falling down
So far
But true purgatory is within


I like the darkness
When night has full grip
I lose myself
In a sea of blackness
Embracing the blanket
Of sweet dark
The hand of night
Grips my crimson heart
That bleeds for you
My tortured soul
That screams for you
Glow-in-the-dark lover
I see you now
Glowing in this sea of stars
In my heart of hearts
The only light I love
When I see you coming
Hold you in my arms
You seem real
Love seems possible
& than you dissolve once again
Into my loving darkness
A personal entity 
Borne of a night-mother
Or manifestation?
Glow-in-the-dark love

I Forgot About You

Left you behind
In the dust
That is my past
As I sped away
I left you behind
Forgot about you
In this whirlwind life
Once shared with you
When I left you alone
To pick up shattered glass
All those things we held so dear
Photographs burned
That showed such joy
Only we knew
That I held you so dear
Is a mystery of the past
I don't know who you are anymore
I don't even know if you exist
If you still breathe
Come to me
Come to me....

My Bloody Beating Diaster

Rules me day and night
My bloody, beating disaster
I cannot say no
To what knows best
My own heart
In my chest
Becomes one
With my self
My desires
Forbidden love
Lose me in the crimson organ
That controls me
That knows
yet is knows nothing.
The only thing I hear
Is the pounding of beating burning hearts
Lose me in the red.


A suffocating reminder
Constant burning premonition
Like a fire
Consuming your days
Eat away my free will
Circumstance that asked you not
If you belonged
Fate is here
& there
In everything I do
I feel her smoke
If only I knew
How I'd meet her
When the fires of fate
Become ashes


The lone wolf still cries
Does she hear me, my tears?
She who sees all things.

Children of the Moon

I hear your screams
Pierce the night
With changing skins...
Gasping for breath
The Children of the Moon
I know them in dreams
The silvery, tinkling laughter
Light the night
Howls in silence
Deafen logic
Blinded fear
Beyond the lights of civilization
Reality shines
Stars stare 
At wolven creatures who roam
Silent and swift
Cunning and courageous
Fur coat hiding humanity
Full moon dances
Claws, fangs, fur
The true self
No longer lost in silence
Do they see my moonlit tears?
My whimpering songs?
Oh, take me home
Where man's lights do not shine
From a living lie
A shattered illusion
I never believed in
From the first day
I walked these streets
I knew it wasn't truth
My eyes beheld
The soul cries
My own wolf
Claws under my skin
My soul is deafened
My  own bellowing prayers
At a sky that does not answer
A moon that is not mine

A7X is BACK!

I love their song Nightmare! Particularly the line "you should have known, the price of evil"
People are fighting over the song meaning. It makes me wonder... was this written by him, or in his memory? I just know it's in his memory!! It has to be!
The Rev would be so proud. Truly.

Love these lyrics

Nightmare (a7x)

Now your nightmare comes to life.

Dragged you down below
Down to the devils show
To be his guest forever
Peace of mind is less than never

Hate to twist your mind
But God ain't on your side
An old acquaintance severed
Burn the world your last endeavor

Ashes is burning
You can smell it in the air
Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal)

So stand in line while banging numbers in your head
You're now a slave until the end of time

Nothing stops the madness turning, haunting, yearning pull the trigger

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
It's your fucking nightmare
While your nightmare comes to life

Can't wake up in sweat
Cause it ain't over yet
Still dancing with your demons
Victim of your own creation

Beyond the will to fight
Where all that's wrong is right
Where hate don't need a reason
Love is self-assassination

You've been lied to
Just to rape you of your sight
And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel)

So sedated as they medicate your brain
And while you slowly go insane they tell ya
"Given with the best intentions, help you with your complications"

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate
Is looking so clear
It's your fucking nightmare


(Maniacal laughter)
Fight (Fight! ). not to fail (fail! )
Not to fall (fall! )
Or you'll end up like the others

Die (Die! ), die again (die! )
Drenched in sin (sin! )
With no respect for another

Down(Down! ), feel the fire(fire! )
Feel the hate(hate! )
Your pain is what we desire

Lost (Lost! ), hit the wall (wall! )
Watch you crawl (crawl! )
Such a replaceable liar

And I know you hear their voices
Calling from above
And I know they may seem real
These signals of love
But our life's made up of choices
Some without appeal
They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal

As your nightmare comes to life

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate
Is looking so clear
It's your fucking nightmare

Saturday, August 14, 2010

nothing to say -- on the wee hours past midnight

when the whole house finally sleeps
I am in a wonderland
With no sound
No sense
Just darkness
I love my primal fantasy land
It grinds the bones for deeper feeling
When in absence
Of my sometimes poetic words
Trying to find meaning
In this whirlwind
When they finally sleep!


I feel Metallica lyrics
Swell my heart with feeling
The fierce, raging story telling of Cradle of Filth
Imagery you cannot escape
The Misfits horror hotel
Take me away!
To Hollywood Babylon
L.A. streets so far away
From my Northern Star land
A7X, is truly
A little piece of heaven
Dying Fetus is...
Voices inhuman
All the anger
You could feel
Lamb of God is anything-
But holy.

I could go on, but why? I can't think, I'VE GOT METAL ON THE BRAIN!

In Light, In Darkness

Or the dreadful loss of both
Horrid to be between
I fear her
My own Goddess
That sleeps
In sun's rays


They call to me
From a dreamland
Awakening me
What am I now?
Voices that scream
Sweet, powerful allure
Telling stories of the century
Those moments we've past
yet live in


The sweetest designs
Tribal flare
Light your battered body
A beautiful work of art
Walking these unforgiving streets
So young was she
To die this way
The artist body
Under frozen ground

For a little while

the stars
Called my name
Calling me home
& I knew my true name
My true self
That was a harmony
Of these raging parts of myself
I call halves
The stars
When you really see them...
Are all colours!
Colours even that you have not seen before
A rainbow without light
Or perhaps illuminated by some light within
Within the face of those who you meet
All people
Aura of truth
In all colours


I've waited for you since the sun rose! 
From shadow
Dissolving my shadow self
For a little while
I thought I could I feel again
Than I felt burning morning
Knew I lost
The blessings of the night
To remain hidden
To hunt for your true self
Amongst trees and flowers
Midnight clawing
Animals awaken
Animal that is me! 
They awaken at Midnight
Your deepest fears
Becoming desires

Come To Me

Come back to me
From deathly slumber
On a lover
That is a substance
In a bottle or through the vein 
until you die
In the arms
Of your new lover


What is eternal?
is love eternal
the sound of my voice
Bellow at gray skies
In a forest
Which I do belong in
Loving themselves
A possible
Yet possibly not
I do not love
the undeserving one
Crying to herself
Silver tears that should be water
Are tears eternal?

Blinded In Sight

Leave us alone
To burn
To cut
To scar
To feel the reflection
of hell
On our bodies
don't open my door
Ask me what's wrong
I like the ruby red sheets
That made me you rush me
To the mental ward
Which gave me nothing
Not even pills
Just words 
The only gem I know
Ruby red
I'm blind to myself
Knowing only suffering
Conceived in pleasure 
That was not my own
The womb that bore me
Gave me nothing more
Than this you see now
A washed up disaster 
Of a budding woman
That lives in the soul 
Of a broken child


In the dark halls
they told me I'd learn
A thing
or two
verbal abuse
Low self esteem
is all I've learned for these halls
of hell
welcome to self-hatred
In books
That teach me nothing
but how to avoid stares

so i was once well

& in those dreams
I saw both your eyes
Sapphires of the sea
Silver and poison
Only wolves would fear
Rightly so
Their brothers taught them well
Sisters warned them to stay away
From man who are men
Women that are women
& their's also

Graceful Diaster

The ballerina
In a dance of perfection
Pink skirts twirl
hiding certain

Ignorance in bliss, bliss in Ignorance

I once knew nothing
But sweet dreams
Of my other self
My happy, free, healthy self
Children dance in pretty flowered dresses
Carrying roses
So sweet...
With thorns that cut tender, soft hands
They dance on a battlefield
Where their fathers fought
For reasons unremembered
Lives as slaves
In a free land
That is anything but
The north-star to nowhere

October Star

Lay here before you
The blood of my heart begins to flow
My failures
Momentary joy
the illusion of happiness
comes crawling like a wild-thing unleashed
Like an unstoppable flood
that cannot be welled shut
The cold winds of October
I love them
Crave them
Feel them through every part of me
Love the promise of winter
lost in white
Ice to lock your heart
no hope of sun
Shining like a joke
But it's all on you
On your face
But not threw the skin
I am a shining star
In a cold October breeze

Starry Eyed Girl

She was me
Is me perhaps
Always has been
Imaginative and bright
Like a star...
Or moonlight shining on night-flowers
Light of the night
I remember it as yesterday
Clear and sweet
A meadow of flowers
On a sun-sweet day
I could be anything
A Goddess, a faery-queen, princess
A beauty
In my own mind
It pulsed blue like electrified water
Ocean within
Cold lapping ebb and flow
Breaking me
Reminding me of bitterness
A slap in the face
I'd like to forget

Lotus Bloom

I planted the seed within
Felt her grow
Pink petaled infant
Soon to grow
The joy of all days
the heart of myself-healed
Mother and daughter
Bonding together
I wait for her
The wondrous seed
A gift from the Goddess
Though I am just a child myself
I wait for a bundle of joy in my arms
As sweet as Egyptian lotus blooms
Blossom within me
My child

Hold on my love

I lost you
Lost it all
Found in your kiss
Crimson burning
The blood of life
Dragging me through the day
Dancing through the night
Wind-whisper streets of wonder
When few men walk
The wise sleep
The sleepless wonder
Fear the night
The crazy walk the yard of graves
Where dead lovers 
Spirit dance
Momentarily caught in happiness
Far past

My God, My Goddess

Yin and Yang
Light and dark
Day and night
Black, white and grey
Songs of creation
Colour and music
That carried you to
& through
Falling behind
We forgot them
Our Divine parents
That sing of nature
Until I lost it
Within myself
Carry me home
To a land of fire
Broken within
Wolves that wander in spirit
Not body

I've tried

I tried to kill you
Your blood stains my bands
My bone-white hands
of a virgin
With a bloody cherry
That stains the communion dress
You thought was holy
Bleeding is fine
It saved me
From oblivion
Brought me back
From a wasteland
Littered with his victims
I wandered for years
Searching for the one
To make me pure
Once again
I tried to take the stains away
Pink flesh
Pink dress 
A lie you have to laugh at

I saw under her skin

Saw the blood, bone
Muscle, sinew
Fangs, fur
Silvery eyes
The self I've been denying
Tender strokes
Soft as sweet memories
A drink
A drug
The magic of forgetting
A faery-tale with a gruesome ending
the depressing happily ever after
That looms in the distance
The horizon of new agony
New reality
Until the moon Goddess calls
Even I come out to play
Shield my eyes
Lock away my brain
Forget my lost touch
The stroke of a brush
A glimpse into my soul
You never should have saw
A disturbing piece of work
Of your personal hell

Lie to myself

Lies are comforting
Lies are grandeur
Lies are the promises of parents to their children
The whisper of a first love
I love you
Teachers that curse you
The wolf within
Despises the cage
Iron and gold
Soft and solid
Only I can break the hold
Of ghostly hands
A looking glass
That holds not a fantastical world
But the reality we know.......

Breathe & Hold yourself in

A freak balancing act
Freak of nature
Reject of humanity
Always alone
Even in a sea of people
Sea of meaninglessness
The waves that do not lift me away
The sky that stares back in foreboding
The vampyre that ceases to drink
The starved wolf
The God without sacrifice
That can truly not be
A state of evanescence I crave
Becoming air

Otherkin Curse

Blood of man
Heart of wolf
Conflicting desires
Torn in two
Wolven dreams
A daydream of a girl
Who is all human
Not she's not!
Howling in night
Shadowed by the silence I fear
I loathe
I need it
I am not whole
A hybrid of body and mind
A earthly hell
Where the fire that burns
Comes from within
& the punishment
Only from myself
That does not know
The peace of being two
Two beings in one
Is a blessing and curse
When I awake
I curse those brown eyes
That glow silver in the night
Two opposites
That could not possibly be

Dear Death

My lover, my friend
My only desire
Deliver me from pain
From life with broken promises
& unanswered prayers
Searching forever for missing pieces
To a puzzle that does not fit
That never was
No completion
No cycle
No mind
Nothing higher
Than a broken world
With greedy desires
A whirlwind without joy
A revelation with spirituality
A dieing God
Without a sacrifice

I remember a bit of it

A scar on my insides
A flash of a history
That is impossibly mine
Yet is
A dark flash
In my golden brown eyes
Taking the light away
I miss the smile on her face
When she believed in magic and miracles
I call her name
Like summoning the deceased 
The dead things within me

If I Could Bring Her Back

If I could bring her back
From maggot eaten heart
Pool of blood on the floor
Hole in the ground
Echo in my conscious
I'd rather forget
Stone with a name
Forgotten names
On rocks...
In a yard of sorrow
In my mourning heart
Under the willow
Do the spirits hear my cries
The sing to me a song so sweet
I almost believe in peace
More than a final resting place
When she died
She became part of me
Who I once was
I lied to her
I hated her
I killed her
& now I want her back
From blackened eternity
Unanswered prayers
My own inhuman desires....


I know a wolf
She runs through the night
Heedless, thoughtless
Cunning, silent
The huntress
Hunter and hunted
The broken-heart
Tears falling under a full moon
Bathe her in silver light
Take away her pain
Of days past
When light burned her
Faith made her lose hope
Society made her rebel
Church made her drown in a sea of sins
That consumed her in guilt
Poisoned her with with self-loathing
Until she forgot herself
Dreams to black
Heart to shards
Dust to dust
Ash to ash
A woman and something more
Roams the night
Searching for those things she lost
Numbing herself
Losing herself
To the animal within
That wants to forget
The girl that cries
For dreams long forgotten
Humanity forsaken
& golden, pulsing love

Sweet Child

I lost her 
I don't when
Pain took her away from me
The echo of laughter in my soul
I killed her
I saw her blood on the floor
My blood
I lost her to the demon hate
Or more likely... to my own self
Cutting was my drug
My release
My freedom
The black pulse
Beating my scorched heart
The memories I'd like to forget

Rotting Away

I hear her calling my name
Sweet sound of yesterday
I hear my screaming
Feel her pain
That is mine -yet not
How could I have hated her so?
Take me back to childhood
Give me a second chance
hating yourself
Wastes you away
Destroys your childhood
Your love and happiness
It even rots your soul
Because I feel wasted days
Like a disease
Self-hatred like a time-bomb
Ticking away, until I crack
& I rot away