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Tuesday, November 9, 2010


My heart is breaking without a sound
Black charred burned dreams
Lose them in oblivion that is my setting and rising sun
The night makes me want to dance away... into time
Instead I rest my head on pillows of fear, shame
The death I crave
I her hands
She holds the dagger that is the key
She is me, waiting mistress, bringer of eternal sleep.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Fire child

Fire still burns
In a young heart
Beating, eternal drum
For your promises
Keep me going when I am in sorrow
Lost without hope
It's snowing outside
But warmth radiating from within, keeps me warm
Alive and free 
In a world of illusions
Where beauty in magazines
Is not as it seems
Retouched, artificial
The only truth is within ourselves
In the light of hope.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Black angel

Your wings, so beautifully dark
Raven black, fill the sky of my dreams
You fly somewhere in heart
Aching for morbid love
I cry out to only you
Hopeless existence
Pointless earthly loves, I desire one thing only
Both dark and spiritual 
The sensuous kiss of another forgotten soul
The taste of blood on my tounge.

Monday, October 25, 2010


Here is a blog I started and abandoned when I was 12 or 13-ish

Lovenote to readers

Hey blog readers: Looking back I've posted a lot of poetry in such a short time. I am quite proud of myself, this is only the tip of the iceberg! Already there are wonderful people from many different cultures and nations reading this. I hope to get some comments, some regular readers, maybe even a few more followers.
But most of all what I want is for you to feel. I want to change lives with my work. One day I hope to publish poetry professionally. 
Thoughts of people loving and appreciating my poetry is what keeps me going!
Your comments are appreciated.
It would be cool if you guys could comment me suggestions for future poems.



They've told me a thousand times
I know what I am
I see in reflected through my own eyes
Rot inside, borne of filth
Why life, why suffering?
Why fighting, striving harder and harder as it all falls away
Whispers and mockery
Fill my insides, personal poison, simply remembering.

My life, best described

Life takes you and throws you from the very top to the bottom
Break your bones, break your soul
Pick up the pieces, start anew
Into a meaningless venture of nothingness
Where does the void end
In a realm without time
Does eternity exist?
I see nothing in any direction
All is the same
Leading me to nowhere
So fast, crashing down this boulevard in despair
Where is my handsome prince, my castle?
Happily ever after?
I have fought so long, this is the end 
Of everything and anything that matters to me.

Human angel

She was a petal beauty
A human angel
So white was her hair, shimmering lustrous blonde
How pure was her marble skin
Not even Botticelli, could painted such a creature
A girl creature
A sad-hearted girl
For absence of wings
Fly away, black hearted angel
Into the pit of hell
Longing for her wings so achingly, so desperately
She would do anything to know her true self.

New moon

Awaken me mother earth, speak
My ears are listening, in a language beyond language
A dream that is not what it seems
When you awake from deep sleep
I see your dream-filled eyes
How pretty you are in oblivion
If you only you knew, what a dream you are to me
You would not hate yourself the way you do
Not look down, blushing in shame
I love you so much
I feel your pain, your tears
Keep your dreams with you
In the unending daylight
A burning that never dies
Reminding you of your flawed condition
Live your dreams
Eternal night
From the earth to the sky.

Coffin for dreams

Here lies your sweet childhood
In a bed of eternal death, lies
In unhearing ears.

Starlight God

He is starlight within
An eternal bright sky is his smile
The light of my life.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


She left me here alone
How will I go on without
The soft promise of love.

Lost within

I walk the spirit land
Where dreams and reality collide
One is the other
The other is one
All is possible, in my own personal dreamworld
A forest where only the bravest wolves walk
I am all the things I could possibly imagine
This world that follows me, haunts me
The product of a dreaming soul
Under a river
They imprisoned her
She could do nothing but wait and stare
At all who passed
Green eyes that looked from a depth 
Of the prison that held her
Glittering eyes that begged to be set free
A million words spoken from thee
In silence...
The perfect pastel shimmer that trapped her
Blue in blue
One with the water
Translucent time
Water faery at her own demise
Becoming the rippling flow that holds her
For one thousand years
She waits for me
To set her free
Waiting maiden
I created her.

Running with the Wolves

I feel myself change
Pink skin morph to satin fur
Under loving moonlight
I feel the Goddess song
Starlight burns glorious on my new body
In a land beyond rage, beyond emotion
The new earth beneath my paws
My silver coat shields me from the rain, the powerful elements
And the rain- it pelts the ground so hard now
The music is so overpowering, the simple music of rain
I see all through the eyes of a wolf
I am no longer the shadow of one
Not a sad soul crying, tears like this fresh, wet rain
Upon a new earth
I bay at the moon
Other howls follow
The pack is coming
Goodbye humanity
Hello family, hello home.

Otherkin soul

A shy timid girl
A sad depressed human, with a secret
Lupine soul, staring through her golden eyes
Hidden by a mask, her human face
Fair skin, fine boned
Hating herself
So far from her soul
Her bodies defies
What she is inside
But who could realize
The wild thing, shining within
Infinitely more real
More true
That what you see here
Take me to the spirit world, the astral plane
Where I can be what I am
In an enchanted forest that is my home
Wolf songs light the silver moon night
Cannot resist it
Running wild tonight.

Girl in the mirror

Who is that girl in the mirror?
 Staring back at me.
 I see her wide, lonely eyes.
 I see her mousy brown hair.
 I see layers of make-up
 I see every flaw, and her desperate brown eyes.
 Crying for help.
 She begging, pleading, screaming silently in her soul.
 I know how that girl in the mirror feels.
 The pain she’s been in is real.
 She hasn’t eating in days.
She is starving herself.
 Striving to be set free.
 She wants to look like herself.
 And no one less.
 But she needs to fit in with everyone else.
 Her identity is lost.
 Her spirit too.
 For all she ever needed was a friend.
 Just a shoulder to cry on. A smile true.
 That’s all she would need to heal her heart.
 To set her spirit anew.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A little something to live by...

   Dance like no one is watching
   Sing like no one is listening
   Love like you've never been hurt
   And live like heaven on earth.

Seriously people think hard on this one. These are words to live by.
Thought I'd share. <3

Dark of the moon

The dark of moon holds such mystery
A new beginning, a new day
A night sweeter than both
The wrongs of your past leave you
Just for tonight
Embrace the Dark Mother's promise
Her word on your soul
In your beating heart
For she is the drummer
Can you hear her moan?
Shed a tear, for your earthly suffering
In the cemetery- dead blood
In the earth, her home
Corpses lay, eternally in her hands
You cannot escape her
Fear as you do, darkness
Poetry in my words
She listens
To silently screaming souls
The darklings, the misfits
Goddess of the dark moon
Is that your hounds, baying in the distance?
Oh, the sound is so enlivening
Praise the blessings she gives forth
Dance away your cares
Sing to the velvety black skies
Live fearless of death.

Black star

From heaven she shone
A loner, a dark thing
A black star, in a white universe
Which fears the night
Yet I hear her calls
Frantic, impassioned
Calling me to her
The blood of my womb, she smells
A fine offering...
Blood-drinking Goddess
Who is my wine
Behold the chalice
Inscribed is the name
Hekate who is all three.

Surrender, my love

The seas did churn, with your words
The sea of my heart
You who were my moon
Controlled my tides
Bled like stars
Far above me
Where am I now?
Without your pulsing radiance
Silver moon-light kisses
That never leave me, no
Become me
Become my earth and sky
Ocean and air I breathe

Monday, October 4, 2010

Starry Eyes

His tears are shooting stars
I can see a history, so brutal laid before me
The bones that he hides
Under his bruised skin
Outline of a skull, crying
Your tears taste of years of searching
Of yearning
Man that is not man
Wolf inside, why do you hide from me?
I know you too well.


The faeries they dance, in between the folds of time
I belong to them
My heart is their heart
Morgan le Fey, her music fills the Land of all Seasons
Here where all is one
I dance in Faeryland.

Wishing for night

The Goddess opens her arms
Civilization sleeps, dreams awaken
I find Her here
In my budding woman's body
Her promise illuminates me, my star and moon
Artemis is the forest, I long to belong
Wilderness and lost humanity in the jaws of time
Her silver bow sails through sweet midnight velvet
She runs with the wolves
Baying at the moon
I love them, and cannot join them
My true love
Not here, no so far
From here.

You are all

Jonnathan, you are beautiful
Child-like innocence
Winter skin, indistinguishable from mine
Eyes like Nova Scotian waters
Can I hear mermaid's song if I listen long, hard enough?
Ever-churning hightide
Raven hair, glossy and thick
Curly and cute
You dance in the distance
You are my best friend
My family, my whole world.

Hold me

Hold me so softly
Stroke me so sweetly
Dream-lover, if I could be of your world
Where I am both loved and lover
Sweet fantasies to haunt closing eyes
I am your slave
If I could create you, I would
Dream you into existence
Your long golden hair is like sunshine on my pale skin
You laughed and called it "winter skin"
Are you the embodiment of my laughter, my sun?
Lucian where are you?

Not a Tear

I walked alone today
Turned the metal off for a while...
Just walked for a while
To listen to the silence I so fear
Crunch of gravel under my feet
I started to wonder
Who would cry, when it's my time to go?
Will there be lose that mourn me?
Sorrow and grief?
Somewhere I know deep inside
Each of us wonder the same thing
Here's how I picture my funeral
A soundless, barren progression
So few stare with blank eyes
At someone who there but they never knew
Deceased, can you see through my painted face?
Organs that do not function
Heart that does not beat
The blessing that welcomed me from pain
You don't know half of what I am
& never will
Will you shed a tear or two?
On my deathbed when it's empty of feeling?
Nobody in life to care.

The best years of your life

Breasts sore, skin itching
Hormonal acne and cliques
Peer pressure and academic struggles that bring you nowhere
Labeled by clothes you wear, the money your parents make
Security in conformity
Hear my voice in defiance
I don't need your trends, your style, your lies
Skinny and popular are the main goals
Healthy and intellectual goals, anyone?
Friendless, thoughtless can't survive
13 years to waste my life
Trying to care
Hold onto whats there
Nothing left, slipping through
The insults they slung at you
Fucking idiot, senseless whore
Useless slut, fat bitch
Ugly and pretty
Bleeding mystery in my panties
Am I dying?
I'd rather bleed to death than be here
Claustrophobia, the walls close in on you
The stale air that you breathe each day begins to suffocate
Teachers are pricks
These people that slam your uselessness in your face
Lonely inside
Outside does not reflect inside... not one bit
Rejected again, by boys
By those I called friends
No way to hide
I consider death with each new failure
If these are best days of your life...

Grey and black

Grey and black
The sky above
Colourless dawn
That forgotten man cries in the distant fog
I cannot see, so smothered by sound
It doesn't make sense
No reason, no right
Blinded by sound
Deafened by sight
Is there peace in the void?
I feel as though I live in one, night and day
There is no peace in my life
A long existence with many lives lived
I see my spirit is not mine
It is broken a thousand times over
Drowning in the evening that awakens night.

Leave me to the fire

I dance away the stars above
The earth that is beneath, yet no longer mine
Can I hear him sigh?
A world away
Acts that separate us, destroying our love for one another
I say goodbye, manically 
A touch of sorrow to embitter the madness
I am cursed by who I am
I lie to God, by simply living as I am
Accursed and white
A prophecy to fill, uttered by my father
The rebel child reborn
Into a colourless land
Taint my thoughts, kill me inside
This is what I am and I cannot hide
Can velvet cloak fear?
Music reflect the soul?
A golden-haired lover, when we were but children
I remember talking for hours
Blood is given and taken away
This world is not my own any longer
Dark creatures that still feel
Crazed sabbat to end it all
Dance into the eternal flame
Destroying all love and hate.

Silent Killer

Here I am
Sister, brother
I am yours no longer
Mother, father
You who bore me
Say goodbye
As I say hello to death
Here I am far from you
From your crying eyes
Your breaking hearts
Family no longer
Nothing means more than my hatred for life
The pain in my life
That seems to eat at the insides
All I see is the destroyed
Goodbye liars
Goodbye dreams
Suicide is the last answer
I've tried it all
I see my failures as tattoos on my skin
Cursed to see beyond the illusion
See the darker picture
The image that is within all.

Death I Give

Giver of death
Taker of souls
An offer too sweet to refuse
From the soul I bled
My heart did too
Useless obsessions
Passionless life
I wait only for you
Will you come home to me?
The reaper that is the angel
Lie that is truth
He left me alone
Left me here to die
Without a second thought
Lover come back
See me as I lay
Day after day
See my rise to rot
Back from the dead.

Fractured Youth

I hear her lullaby
Lost in the wind
The willows that sing, and take me in her hands
Mother now forgotten
Songs leave my lips
Fragile times in which we live
She sang my name in my dreams
Sad intoxicating kisses
Belonging only to her
How could she not share?
Not know how this hole that is my heart bleeds
Eternal prisoner
All for you my love, all for you
My fractured youth sings a sad song
Of forcing yourself to the pain
Singing in silence

Friday, October 1, 2010

Temporary Hope

 I feel the wisp of something
Foreign and forgotten
I haven't had a hope or prayer
In so long, in this miserable life of despair
So strong I did fight
until this awful night
I slipped back once again
Playing a game-
Do you remember when....?
Deadly games I played
Falling back in the same patterns I'd forsaken so long ago
I felt sunshine yesterday 
Felt love for myself
I wish I could feel that everyday.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Continued Continued <^_^>

If You Looked Inside My soul

If you looked inside my soul

You'd see a whole other person
Without a broken world
Or a broken heart
Maybe you'd see something more beautiful
Than everything I show on the outside
People know so little
About who I am
But if you could look inside my soul maybe you would understand
About what I want
What I dream of
And what the world looks like though my eyes.

The intensity of my emotions
Could scare the living hell
Out of anyone else
Who has ever felt anything like this before
No one will ever feel this
They'll never understand
All the time I thought
My life was going okay
This happened.

School is a lonely empty place
Middle school sucks
It makes me feel like shit
It's full of unforgiving pricks
Who all seem to have found their place
And their friends
Their everything
No one else is as big a loser as me
I'm just the one in the shadows
Wishing she had a best friend
Or a friend at all
I hate it home
I hate it all school
Where do I go to escape it all?
Do I start doing drugs, and let my whole world slip away?
Or do I just watch my fall from life
Until I am nothing at all
I am forgotten
Everywhere I go
School is a lonely, empty place.

There are those mistakes
Still looming in whatever left of this
Like the mist that rises above the ocean
Every morning it is there clear as day
Than it evaporates into the heaven
Until it is nothing at all
And than there are those like a gleaming sliver dagger
They leave cuts that may heal
But the scars will always remain
To remind you of all the pain and suffering
Whenever you even think of wound
That nearly ruined everything
You wonder...
Why does life keep reminding us of our faults
Or is it our faults that remind us of life.

God's Mistake
I don't know if I believe
But I try to make sense anyway
Of what my purpose is
My true place of belonging
A place to call my own
I don't see how I've lost all faith
I've never had any to begin with
The questions, no one answers
But I've heard it hundreds of times
Everyone makes mistakes
So does that mean that the might also fail
Or am I looking at this all wrong
You really have to wonder
If I am God's mistake.
 ** I think I posted this on my old blog Crown of Flowers, but oh well...

What happens to the ones forgotten and alone?
What becomes of them...
What about those who are broken and unheard?
Do they go though life, living it day by day
Trying to survive
Or are they the fighters
Who break though it all in the end
Do they see clearly above the illusion of perfection that seems to blind us
Following a dream
I think I am insane
The loner hiding in the bathroom stall
Wishing life away
Or am I not alone at all
Am I connected by a feeling
That we all must face
If I found love
I would cherish every moment
Make it last forever
Sadly, I know I have already drown
I can only hold onto my last breath before I let go
Stinking deeper and deeper into a world of

And rejection
Love and fame
Hate and war
Black and white
Nasty fights
Living in a world
Sinking deeper down to hell
No seems to care where we are headed
After every warning we've got
Every dream we ignored
We do not see
What is right in front of us
I hope the people
Ignorant enough to let the less fortunate suffer
We to unite
But all differences aside
Look each other in the eyes
And say
Things need to change, for our world is wasting away to a melting pot of nothing.

The months ahead look as hopeless as the tears I cry
For nothing seems to change
I try to make things right
But my demons are still there
Everything no one knows
I am still separated somehow
And something...
Something is missing.


Life ain't all always beautiful
Not always fun and games
It's never what you expected
And you can never plan it
Your live isn't mapped out
Your destiny is in your hands
And you are in control of it
Sometimes only faith gets you though
Your dreams the guiding light
Sometimes you have to look for answers
And fight for what is right
I think that your heart is smarter than your mind
So listen to it for once
And start heading in the right direction.

You smile at me
through wrinkles and aging I see
The wisdom you have
And all that you share
Your love for me is so fare
Like a light August rain
You are beautiful
I love to have you in my life
I'm glad I'm here to say
I love you Grandma
Will you please stay?

Why are you even talking to me?
Oh my God, shut up
Don't say another word
I can't bare to hear your voice again
I know that you never cared.

Older poems

Hey people- I was looking through my email drafts and realized I have poems I wrote when I was about 12.
I am very hard on myself about my poems never being "good enough" but I wrote some pretty good stuff for a lil girl. I'll post some of them but a lot are deleted from after we got a bunch of Trojans off the computer we had to get it reformatted. *Sigh* Most don't have titles.

I always find myself wondering
Why I feel so misunderstood
I thought I'd find the answer
By trying to fit in
Forgetting who you are means changing in to someone everyone else likes... right
It hurts a lot to change
But you never ever forget
And it's harder to go back
Changing who are are
You'll never find a relationship
Real and full of love
I wish some people knew
You never have to change
Never have to rearrange
You'll lose all the happiness you once had
And in your heart you'll know you  are fake
Fitting in isn't always good
You'll never really get to be you...
Only a copy of someone else.

A robber sneaked into house one night
Nothing was left at all
Nothing in sight
It was evidence to me
It really confirmed
How materialistic we are
Once we lose our stuff
We become nothing at all
Keep our head low
Quit standing tall
Strength is not measured in things that you own
Or how much money you have
It's measured in how much you love and experience
How you handle situations
How you get though the hard times
Life is not easy
And never guaranteed
One minute here
And the next, gone
And when everyone dies
They leave a special mark on the earth
It doesn't really matter
The expensive jeans you dressed your ass in
What matters is how much you cared
Even changing the life of one person is amazing
And that's something we all can do
Why can't people just reach out to show that they care

I don't know true love yet
But I hope one day I will
I don't really care for boys much yet
One day that may change
I wonder what it's like
To really be in love
To always have someone
That you could never imagine living without
But how do you know?
When you fall in love
Does it just happen?
And than the next moment you are walking down the aisle
And saying your I dos
What about the people
That are  lonely all their life
What about those
Who failed at love?
I think love is stupid
But I still want to feel it
I guess I'll know...
When I know

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I see them everyday
In the shadow of myself
In those I give my precious love and loyalty
Those few who see past skin
The lost and suffering- today's Saints
Angels without wings
Lend helping hands
To those in need
Sometimes I think I see

Fluffy, feathery wings
Pure white
On these human angels
The invisible helpers
Who give and challenge
Love & learn
Salvation I wait for
I lost my angels- take me home.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Master of the Forest

He called me from a broken life
Gave me a curse that was not at all cursed
Blessings in disguise
He held me so gently
A creature half wolf, half man
I looked into his wolf eyes
With enduring love
I'd give anything
To walk like he does
Free of fear
I saw what was hidden- underneath his skin
A fine belt he wore
Wolf-skin that enlivened his flesh
He asked me to dance
The wild dance
Goodbye humanity
Goodbye agonizing existence
The Master of the Forest
Is father and mother
Everything I am reborn to.

Dark Kiss

Death kiss, predatory
The last word don't matter anymore- I won't die alone!
Life is so cold and sick
Self mutilated screams
I wish I'd died that day
No pride, no reason, no right
Dark kisses fill my dreams
The only beauty I'd ever know
The beauty to shut your eyes forever
In the arms of another.

Forgotten Lullaby

Never look back my daughter
At the thing I was
I would hide from you forever
My broken one, like a fallen angel
I cannot save
I wish I had your beauty, your love
The dream of life
The illusion of time
This pathetic form cannot be mine!
I who had you, gave you
Darkness & silver moonlight
Your beautiful black hair
Did shine
With silver and blue shades too
I wish I could be... like you
Forever I am bathed in the death I did seek.


Don't think of the knife that waits
Shining, seductive
In broken morning light
The weapons that are as beautiful as morning dew
Beautiful as tranquility, rebirth, love & laughter
Yet the very opposite of those things I've forsaken
I hate so hard
As much as others love
Call me forgotten of Aphrodite
She rose from sea foam and turquoise water
I rose from the blackened rivers of purgatory
To seek a new hell
Queen of beauty and love
Sunshine and sexuality
You forget about me
Me lonely one, with knife in hand
This murder will be my own.

Sweet songs

I'd like to believe 
The sweet songs I hear
The voices of my family and those I call friends
A life marked by a million broken promises
Jagged shards of that mirror 
Thrown in my face
That pierce deeper than skin, bone, flesh
Lies that seep to the soul
Like lethal injection
That stops the heart
The seductive I feel for that death
I crave it
Oblivion from my past
My pain.

Washed but not Clean

Alone in this filthy tub
I feel disgust and repulsion
The mold grows thick on the curtain
In those little corners, I'd rather ignore...
What I know my parents do in here
The chlorinated water irritates pink, sensitive skin
Chemicals purify only the mind
This is hell's water running over me in this rotting tub of decay
Hatred eats my insides like worms and maggots on a carcass
Everything I know is a lie
Western culture an ever-enduring illusion
With media suppressing us
We allow it to mask the desire of our hearts
Want, want
Need, need
Zombie-brained populace
2 countries that feed sickness and disease
Overseas men and women work for a dollar a day
Out of sight out of mind- no words of mine
We wallow in our greed
With incessant pride, for ancestors that were enduring, strong
Yet cruel
That's what I am- borne from barbarians
Oh this dirty tub
How I hate it
I could scrub it, scrub the whole world
& it would never be clean, pure or wholly sane.

Shouting in the Void

Here I do scream
Laid upon the bed of fear
Who can hear me?
Save a cruel god
That gave me this- life
Is it not a curse, breathe in suffering?
To be a slave of contained fear
That poisons this fragile soul
Save your prayers- innocent one
Your voice beats like my heart
Your pink faced sweetness
Is a contradiction- to my ice cold beauty
That glimmers from a heart so frozen
It steals sunshine from those I love
A case of ice I prayed
To keep me safe
From life, from love
Those glorious things from above
That have some indecipherable divinity
Unspeakably great
Ungraciously invaluable
Mortal life- a blessing within a curse.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Another Day

Another day comes and goes
I sit inside myself, waiting for dawn to come
I hear him sigh, he is so far from me
There is no light from Heaven
The Gods cry from a faraway sky
I know I do not deserve this suffering
Still I wait
Everyday, I want to die a little more
Everyday to echo yesterday
Everyday a new agony
A challenge without rewards
A fight without an end
A day without you
Please come back to me!
Silver-blooded lover
Alive only in my dreams
I wish you were real.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Til death do us part

Til death do us part
Words that will never pass my lips
What a promise!
What a vow!
To give your life to one
To promise them something that is wholly your's
Forbidden words.

Carpe Corpus

Seize the corpse
Hold it in your arms
What is left, of what you love
Seize the corpse
It's the rest of you
Your other half
Carpe Corpus...
Seize the corpse
That is your mother, your father
Sister, brother, lover
Those you cannot awaken
Those you once wished to silence
Risen to rot
The voice of your logic
Assures you it cannot be
Your insanity just laughs
And laughs, and laughs
In the graveyard of sighs
Beyond the flowers that cheer the graves of your kin
You hear them sigh- trapped forever
Cold black earth-trapped in ice
You got your wish- finally
The silence is your's
In the graveyard of sighs
You imprisoned them here
Sweet forever, promised that fateful day
So bitter
So you visit her now, beneath the ground
Your fate not in her arms
But in a box, and nobody cares
Seize the corpse.